All she wants to do is collapse and sleep. Her eyes are red from lack of sleep and her heart is burdened with hopelessness. She is emaciated; she is bloody and broken yet still cannot fall on her face before God. What determines her to stay away from God? She is not capable of submission, direction, and better yet- she likes what she is doing. Her physical pain is too addictive; her hopeless state is too comfortable. But the life is draining out of her and it has come to the point where she must choose. Though her soul is drawn to two options, she has to choose the better of the two. Her life depends on it. She is stuck between two longings. It’s the way her entire life is. Everything about her is broken and she begs for God to fix her, begs for it all to end, pleads hopelessly for the ability to give up.